This month is a bit bossy in regards to HEAVILY hinting that the world needs to be GRATEFUL. It’s November’s gig…  July has fireworks and patriotism, February has hearts and love, November has turkeys and appreciation. It’s a bit daunting – all of this thanking and appreciating. But it’s also super important.

We teach our kiddos, that it’s crucial to show gratitude – “What do you say?” is asked of them after they receive anything, in hopes that they will use their manners. After birthdays or holidays, the children are expected to write thank you notes, before the new toy is played with or the new clothes are worn. Let the giver know why you enjoyed the gift, how will you use it, why is it special? It’s basic, parenting 101 stuff. And really, kids understand it – they got something cool and they want to show that they like it. It’s pretty easy to be thankful for receiving a new Barbie or Lego set. If you get to have a friend stay the night, parents are thanked over and over.  It’s natural to let good things change our mood and increase our happiness. One thing as a parent that I may need to focus on more, is teaching my kids to learn from and appreciate more the lessons that life teaches us. The ones that may not make us smile. The situations that stretch our patience, limit our funds or break our hearts.

I’m pretty sure you know what I’m getting at. Life has a wonky way of making us learn and grow, and usually, it’s when we are uncomfortable, or in a difficult situation. Thanks, life. When we lose a job or experience a death, we have a lot to say – and “Thank you” isn’t usually on the tip of our tongue. It’s more common to point out the sad, stressful, miserable part of the situation than to find the opportunity to appreciate the gift that has been given. A gift, you may ask?! Yes. Even in our darkest times, there are gifts. The chance to slow down and take a better look at our priorities. The time to look around at the love and support you are being given by the many that cherish you. The second chance that you didn’t even know you needed. A while to contemplate the love you had, or thought you had – and imagine how it can happen again. The moment in time when you decide to change your course, and strive for something better. For these things, we can be grateful.

We don’t always get to choose what is going to happen in our jobs, towns or lives. So much of life is figuring out how to respond to what happens around us. We get to choose how we react. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t ever get mad or upset about a certain turn of events. Trust me, I need time to process things, to be happy/mad/sad or glad. But after the smoke has cleared – take a chance to really look at what happened, what changed, and how has it changed you? Gratitude isn’t only important when we are happy with the situation. It comes in handy when our world is turned upside-down, as well.

So go ahead November – you can continue with your encouragement. If we are only thankful one month out of twelve, it’s better than nothing. But, I have a feeling that we will be looking closer at each and every situation to see how it can teach, encourage and inspire us. It’s not easy and it’s not completely natural, but your heart and mind can be trained to look for the good, and appreciate it – even on the hardest of days. Enjoy an extra piece of pie for all of those thankful thoughts – you deserve it!

Too often in life, we are not encouraged to wonder “What if…?”. I think the thought process behind this may be that if we ask “What if?” , we are indicating that we are not satisfied with our current circumstances. So – is that such a bad thing?! Sometimes we need to be made incredibly uncomfortable in our lives before we dare ask these important two words. Often, that question can simultaneously open and close doors. At times, it can require a courage that we have never before had to muster. Asking “What if?” could possibly answer an entirely  different question. It can also be a creative outlet – life can get so darned serious sometimes. If you get the chance, sit and make a list of your own “What ifs” – it’s interesting where your mind will lead you and my guess is, you’ll learn about yourself in the process. Better yet – share them with me – I’d love to hear what you are thinking!

• What if cell phones were never invented?
• What if teachers were paid what they are worth?
• What if it was the LAW to make your bed every morning?
• What if we had to SING everything important – like in musicals?
• What if cats and dogs could talk?
• What if everyone loved their job?
• What if we had to move every 7 years to a new state?
• What if we could buy vans in our favorite colors like jungle green or very violet?
• What if we had to pay a fine ($) every time we hurt someone?
• What if we all had the courage to stand up for ourselves – & each other?
• What if we took more chances and stopped letting FEAR get in the way of success?
• What is everyone’s pay was a direct reflection of their EFFORT?
• What if you had to drive for a year before you could get your license?
• What if you could take an all expenses paid vacation every year?
• What if ALL children respected their parents and the parents acted WORTHY of that respect?
• What if parents with children ages 2 and under each got one night a week of UNINTERRUPTED sleep ? Yes sir, 8 FULL HOURS ?!?!?!
• What if you TRULY didn’t care what people thought about you?

“WHAT IF?!”

I don’t know anyone who at one time or another hasn’t fallen into the “comparison trap”. I try to warn my kiddos about its negative impact, but often find myself being pulled into its grips right in front of them. This day and age of constant social media doesn’t help as we post the BEST part of our lives to the world. Look where I am, what I wore, what I ate, how much I worked out and how big the bouquet of flowers I just received is – no big deal….

The trouble with comparison is that it is NEVER and I repeat NEVER fair or equal or on any kind of even playing field. We are all so different with our personal history, daily schedules, personality traits, character strengths and limitations, all making an enormous impact on why and where we are currently on this crazy ride called life. Regardless, when I get up and get dressed in the morning, and enjoy my (first) cup of coffee, I am generally content. Then… I scroll through my newsfeed.

Not that I am implying that Facebook is the cause of my discontent, but it doesn’t help if I am leaning in that direction … it gives me a gentle push and encourages me to start addressing invitations to a pity party that no one – including myself -should attend! If I’m feeling just a bit down about my weight, house, parenting skills, organizational abilities or relationships – you name it – I can easily become discouraged if I choose to compare myself to others. And – it IS a choice.  “Don’t compare your behind the scenes with someone else’s highlight reel”.  We choose what we are posting on Facebook – and typically, it’s a post that makes us feel proud, accomplished and/or happy. To counter this, I also post recipe failures, scheduling mishaps and adventures that end not as I had planned – in hopes of making my friends laugh and feel connected to me in this not so perfect world. Remembering that no one is perfect, especially after seeing their social media pictures and posts, will help us to be content in our own circumstances.

    Someone once said “The grass is greener where we water it”.  This statement gently reminds us to focus on our own world and be deliberate about creating the change that we wish to see. Instead of hoping to see smaller numbers on the scale, let’s be active and take a walk 5 days a week. If we are disappointed that our family relationships are lacking, let’s pick up the phone or host some fun gatherings to foster them and help those relationships grow and develop. We are in control of much more than we will admit. It’s easier to shrug and say “Oh well….”.  Let’s DO SOMETHING. If comparisons make us crazy – let’s change our ways.

Being content is a choice. Not every moment qualifies to live forever in our scrapbook pages. There are a lot of things that happen in our lives that we need to just get through and push past. But, when we do have the opportunity to improve a situation – attitude is everything. Our home may not be a mansion, but it is filled with laughter and loudness and people that love each other madly. Look for the good and celebrate it – in every situation. Watching others succeed does not mean that you are a failure. Take the chance to build each other up. Share in the joy when others experience special milestones. You’ll see, that when you are positive towards life in general, the need to compare will begin to fade away. We are all equally amazing and ENOUGH.

Having taught school before staying home with my 4 kiddos, September 1st feels like the start of the New Year much more to me than January 1st ever did. A new beginning – new friends, schedules and opportunities. I can’t forget to mention the smooth folders and new boxes of sharp crayons begging to be used. I just adore school supplies and I could truly write an entire post on them, but I fully appreciate that not everyone shares my stationery addiction and pen envy, so I will keep it short. When Target and Office Max start to peddle their 3 subject notebooks (with TABS!!!) and their rainbow colored packs of fine point sharpies – I could pour a cup of coffee and drool over the ads for hours! Or, better yet, getting the chance to roam the aisles of pencils and planners, pens and pocket folders is like Christmas for this gal! But, I digress, besides the obvious pleasure I receive from back to school shopping, the hope I feel in September as we begin a new year is one of my favorite feelings.

Coming off of the summer months can be difficult. In our house, during the three months of summer (required by Michigan) we focus on family time, relaxed schedules and lazy days that allow for us to recover  from the other nine months of madness. The less complicated and hectic itinerary of our warmer days present us with more opportunities to fill our day completely or do nothing at all. Our choice. Then September comes flying at us like a bull in a china shop. Mind you, it’s a cute, shiny bull with the promise of fun things ahead tied around his neck like a fancy bow – but a bull, nonetheless. We both smile and fret as we anticipate the start of the “busy season”, otherwise known as September through May. The opportunity presents itself  to set new goals, re-evaluate old ones and appreciate the chance to feel hopeful about the future.  We are forced to “make nice” yet again with our alarm clocks and recognize that our time is not quite ours anymore. It’s harder for some in our house than others to make these adjustments.

As we flip our calendars to September, we brace ourselves for the return of all the clubs, programs and commitments . Now, as a family of six, we have narrowed our list of activities in order to not send Mama straight to the padded rooms.  We have weekly religious education for the kids and Bible study for me, and practices for whatever they are in at the time (limited to one each, as their is only one Mom Taxi available for transportation). December once reigned as the busiest month of the year, but September is making significant gains and is in a very close 2nd place at this point. Throwing in the 3 schools worth of Open Houses and required PTA meetings on top of the other “welcome back” malarkey makes for a  month of mad dashing from place to place. Getting back into the routine happens whether you are ready or not.  It doesn’t take long for us to accept our lots and get to where we are supposed to be on time(ISH). Be easy on yourself as you transition back into school mode and perhaps offer a nod of understanding to the other frenzied parents you encounter. Now, go grab a new pack of pens and get ready ……  “HAPPY NEW YEAR !”

As a Mom of 4, one of my biggest concerns is spending enough time with each child and making sure they feel loved. In my mind, this is best achieved by sneaking time away ALONE with each cutie and really being able to focus on OUR relationship. This all sounds wonderful and very basic – but in our world with calendar squares bursting full of commitments – even a few hours is difficult to come by for such necessary parent/child bonding. Difficult, but not impossible. It all just takes a little a lot of planning, but at the end of the day, is easily worth the juggling of the schedule.

Several years ago – when our oldest were now mature enough to be left at home without supervision and could live to tell, I started something that we (back then) called Mommy & Me time … EX: Mommy & Mary time. Now that they are all so grown up, I refer to our time together as Mom time or Mom Dates. Each child gets 2-3 opportunities in the summer to plan out an activity and know that it will be an uninterrupted time together with the best Mom in the world – or at least the best Mom in their HOUSE. They all really seem to dig it and usually have ideas by Spring as to how to spend their time with me. We leave these visits for the summer, because we naturally have more time available, what with that darned SCHOOL not being in session and ruining our plans.  Each kiddo is so unique, and consequently, I have learned to expect quite different activities from them. And to be clear – it is not an entire day that we carve out to bask in our freedom from the rest of our family… if we are lucky, it’s 3-4 hours. But it’s time spent that we can experience only in that fashion  – and it creates some awesome memories. Also, it doesn’t have to break the bank – to this day, one of Mary’s favorite times with her Mom was when we went to Barnes and Noble and got cozy in a big leather chair and read out loud to each other, then went and got big ice cream cones – simple pleasures!

I am always sure that the KIDS are the ones to plan our outings, so that we are to be certain to do what they WANT to be doing with their dear old Mom. Obviously, I have ~ on occasion ~ not been thrilled with the movie choice or activity plan, but I chalk it up to time together, whether it’s my favorite or not. On the flip side, we have taken FABULOUS trips to IKEA and had awesome times playing miniature golf and eating Chipotle that balances everything out. These opportunities give me a peek at the individual child rather than “the kids” as a whole – and we can both put our guards down a bit since we are out of the house and there are no chores to be done or phone to be answered or anything else that could divide our attention or throw us into “battle”.  It allows me to dig a bit deeper into their lives and talk more about what is happening to them then they may want to discuss in front of the sibs. It feels like a break from norm – a tiny vacation from reality … not that our reality needs an escape – but we have our moments.  We can voice our concerns about up coming events, rant and rave about whatever has us irritated, or I can just sit back and watch how these kids are maturing right in front of my very eyes . Sigh.

I am super glad that we started this tradition as a family. It, like everything else, is what you make of it. For us, it’s a fun, relaxed time to enjoy with each other. If it starts to stress anyone out, we change the date or the activity or whatever it is that is stealing our joy. I truly expect that my own babes will continue this tradition with their own kids – and I hope and pray that a quick trip to visit Grandma is part of the plan!

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been asked to “Lower my expectations”. When I do something – I am fully engaged- dive in head first and spend every ounce of energy and creativity on each project and activity. The biggest problem results when I expect the same from others, or question why they are not acting or responding in similar fashion. Acknowledging that everyone works at his/her own pace, is motivated differently and thrives in different environments isn’t a strong suit of mine. Honestly, watching a procrastinator do their thing makes my heart palpitate. My daily life is a lesson in tongue biting. I scream so much in my head. I want to help, but I’ve often found, in my 42 years, that if my help was not requested, it is not received well.

Most people, if they are being honest, will admit to doing  their best and then hoping for a bit of acknowledgement (maybe even praise?!)  As a Mom, this again is a daily lesson. Rarely do my children pass me in the hall and give me a high-five while thanking me for their clean underwear. Or, how often do you hear “Dinner together again?! Home cooked and completely different than what we have eaten any other night this week?! Mom, you are AMAZING!” Doing your best has to be achieved for reasons besides receiving gratitude and recognition. It’s hard to remember at times, that just because the words “Thank you!” were not spoken, doesn’t mean that your actions were not appreciated. That being said, I am a stickler for teaching manners and encouraging my kiddos to express their gratitude, since I know full well how much the world in general desires acknowledgement and the feeling of being appreciated.

As much as I love Pinterest, I have to admit that it can awaken a monster in me – and many others. Our nation has become obsessed with creating HUGE events out of every day occurrences. Now, let me be clear, I love celebrating the ordinary. What I am referring to is the one year old’s birthday party that is more thought out and expensive than some weddings. And these poor 16 year old boys out there that are expected to create a “promposal” (amazing way to ask a girl to prom- even if they are dating already!). At this point, we all EXPECT more… better, quicker, cuter, longer lasting. It’s exhausting.

“I pity those that expect perfection”. This quote is from my adorable Mom. She is amazing and realistic all in one cute package. She gets it all done while bringing store bought cookies and focusing more on the PEOPLE than the EVENT. She is a great role model for me when I get all wrapped up in my plans and desires for whatever holiday is next on the calendar. She encourages me to “Go easy on myself” and only do what I “need to do”.  Brilliant. If I don’t get everything done, my Mom is the first to remind me that no one else knows what I had planned to do! No one else is looking around for the burlap table runner that I didn’t have time to make. Neither are they rolling their eyes at the white napkins since I couldn’t find red ones. Once again, I’m not saying to throw in the proverbial towel and not try at all. I say go for it and focus your energy wherever your interests take you. But, as soon as your invitations cause you to fret, your cupcakes become a concern, your décor is causing a dilemma – STOP. When the fun ends in frustration, clearly, we are trying too hard. We are loading our plates, which are all platter sized at this point, with too many details and not enough down time.

God knew that by giving us all free will, we would inevitably choose to do either too much or not nearly enough. He knows us so well. With this in mind, He has placed several verses in the Bible that I lean on during these times. Ecclesiastics 3:1 states that “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven”. So, when I have a house full of babies and toddlers, it’s clearly not my season to have a clean house. And when I have a house full of active teenagers, it’s not my season to have nightly family dinners – as much as I may desire them. God is putting my mind at ease. It’s OK – I can do it all, just not right now. Also, in 2 Corinthians 12:9, God tells us that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.  When I feel overwhelmed, I need to hand it over to God. He alone has the strength that I lack. If I don’t have the strength to do it, it doesn’t need to be done.

Clearly,  we all know when our own expectations are too high – it’s just a matter of adjusting them. What could we let go of in order to benefit our job, family or relationships? What should we stop doing now and put on hold until our schedule or responsibilities change? God wants us to live an abundant life- not over full and not unfulfilled. From what I hear, perfection is over rated – I’m hoping that is true!

 This is the time of year that can drive an emotional person like me over the edge. The end of the school year brings good-byes ~ and a lot of them. “Graduating” from pre school, walking through the Elementary School doors one last time, leaving the Junior High behind, and – the big Kahuna – the final days of their High School career. And don’t even get me started about dropping them off at college – I will need to be heavily medicated for THAT milestone. Summer vacation once presented itself as a lifelong friend that decided to pay me a visit, but could only stay for a short while. Now, it arrives like an elephant sitting on my chest, reminding me that I have only two short years left until my oldest leaves for college – followed 12 months later by his younger sister. I love having my birds all in one nest, but the extra noise and chaos of June, July and August whispers in my ear that it’s all short lived. One of my favorite sayings is “The days are long but the years are short”. 24 hours can seem to last forever, while we blink and our toddler is suddenly a Junior in High School. It’s all very difficult to wrap our brains around – especially with the additional guilt of not “enjoying every minute, because it passes so quickly” – Gah!

Over the last few years in our small town, we have lost several young lives – teenagers, gone too soon, due to accidents and illness. As parents, we watch and listen in horror to the details of our fellow Moms and Dads forced to continue living without their children. No more hectic pace, quiet talks, singing, laughing, teasing, scolding, dreaming, organizing, transporting, negotiating. All over. Days like these past few days, punctuated with pictures of widely smiling kids of all ages wearing caps and gowns – always remind me of one thing. No matter how hard all of it may be – financially, physically, emotionally – at least we have the privilege to experience it with our babes. Our babes that are now taller than us, with a mustache, and a voice deeper than Barry White’s – will live forever as the needy, adorable, exhausting toddler that had US begging for a nap by noon each day. As hard as it may be to allow our kiddos to move on to the next phase, it’s equally as important. {This coming from a Mom that cried this morning because she misses her littles.}

Each phase of parenting has its own difficulties. I just never anticipated this age being so hard emotionally. All I ever heard were war stories about eye rolling, missed curfews and smart mouths. Yes, we have no shortage of these fun issues, but for me, the hardest part so far – in my entire 16 years of parenting 4 children – is the “letting go” part. So – I’m not letting go – I’m just going to loosen my grip a bit. Enjoy your summer – not every minute of it – we’re too smart for that. But this summer, my focus is less phone, more family.Less tech, more talk. Less movies, more memories. Be kind to each other .As a magnet on my fridge reminds me,  “Every day might not be good, but there is good in every day.” Find the good ❤

In honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to write a brief post regarding Motherhood. On November 6th, 1996, I delivered a sweet 7 pound, 6 ounce bundle that would cry for the next 3 months straight and change my life forever. Motherhood can only be described by one word… indescribable. Sorry to disappoint. The more that I think about the challenges and triumphs, the less I feel capable of putting it all into words. It’s a paradox, really. It’s the highest and the lowest – together – or back to back – sometimes by 8 AM in the morning.  It’s wishing you knew the right answer, praying for strength  and researching solutions until your eyes are blurry. It’s a miracle, a blessing, a phenomenon.  It’s a season, but a lifetime. It changes minute by minute, need by need, milestone by milestone. It helps to have the unending support of your spouse to pick me up when I have fallen. He will dust me off, talk me up , and send me back out to the front line. Mommy friends are also essential on this journey. You need to know women in the same boat. The same ” stinky, sticky, feels like we may be sinking” boat. These same woman are also perfect to celebrate small victories with – a baby slept through the night, a teen son got a job – WHOOP IT UP!!! Life is short, we must make the choice to live it fully, and deeply, and with all of our hearts.  Always remember that this is how our kiddos love us, too. You are enough. You are loved.

MOTHERHOOD IS …

• Exhausting and Exhilarating
• Organized and chaotic
• Never ending and over too quickly
• An island and a village
• Elation and anguish
• Stressful and simple
• Filthy, sticky, messy and pure, pristine and squeaky clean
• Anxiety inducing and peace at its’ finest
• Fun and tedious
• What I’ve always dreamed it would be and unlike anything I’d ever imagined   ❤

Not everyone needs a spic & span house. Admittedly, I prefer things to be in their proper place – in order (but not alphabetical) and appearing well-organized. I do not put my emphasis on clean, just uncluttered. My specialty is taking a messy area and rearranging it enough that if someone (maybe even a neat freak) looks at it, his heart would not start to palpitate. My knack for this ability has earned me the nickname “shit shifter”.  I believe it to be a loving, non – offensive moniker, since it was bestowed upon me  by my Prince. Speaking of my groom… HE IS A CLEANER. The man scrubs floors and wipes down walls to RELAX. This used to bother me, being a stay at home Mom. He’d walk in the door after work  and grab the broom and sweep the kitchen and I immediately assumed that this was his way of clueing  me in that I wasn’t doing my job well enough. As if keeping the four kids (ages infant through 7 years) fed, clothed, and –  ahem –  ALIVE, wasn’t ENOUGH?!

As soon as I figured out that he LIKED to clean and it wasn’t some “passive – aggressive, make the desperate housewife angry” ploy – I was fine with it. Actually, I decided that it was simply perfect, since I liked to straighten and he liked to sanitize… WIN/WIN! As long as we both knew our jobs and worked together, everything should be just fine. Should be. We do have our moments, like when he decides to de-clutter, and loses things – MY things. Or when I decide to clean the countertops with a spray that contains bleach and lean into it, ruining my favorite shirt in the process. I’m not saying that I’m incompetent in the cleaning department, but I do leave the hard stuff for the expert.

I think it really falls on the husband and wife to determine how they will “run the house”. After discussing preferences, skill sets and schedule availability, it should be rather “easy” to determine who does what. We have a few things that are clear-cut in our house. ME – laundry, party planning, gift buying and taking the kids to all of their events. HIM – vacation planning, paying the bills and unplugging the toilet. Sorry, but the toilet is a Man’s job – unless he’s out of town for work . Then, it’s all me . Gag. Teamwork is the key and flexibility is a must. Steve easily throws in a few loads of laundry at the risk we might all be naked the next day, and I will write a few checks and send them off if need be. Working together is crucial in this business of happily ever after !

Back to the point of this little post . As long as YOU and your spouse are satisfied with the way your house looks – than you’re golden. Don’t worry about what the magazines suggest, what your Mother in Law does or what you just saw on The View. Strive for presentable, not perfection . Perfection is over-rated, anyways (at least I HOPE IT IS). Split the work between all occupants of the house – remember, “Many hands make light work”. Enjoy your home and your time spent there with those that you love. And watch out for bleach – it’s no joke.