wedding

Lessons in matrimony – learned by the Mother of the Bride

Deep breath, we did it. All the bad dreams of the venue closing and showing up in my pajamas did – in fact – NOT come true. The day was truly perfect and a core memory – make that memories – were made. As with all big life events, lessons were learned. Here are some ideas and concepts that I believe should be shared so we can all learn from each other’s experiences. Here goes – in no specific order…

TAKE PICTURES!

If I heard it once I heard it 1000 times “Put your phone down for the day”. Others who have lived through the wedding day of a child advised me not to take pictures during the day. To instead be present and enjoy each moment as it happens. I call BS. Somewhere along the lines, taking pictures got a bad rap. For me, I AM fully in the moment behind the lens, so much that I want it captured forever! I realize the importance of the action or embrace and want a keepsake of the moment. I’m still sad as I realize all of the moments I missed and pictures with people that I don’t have to help me remember this amazing day. I also didn’t wear my watch in order to help me stay in the moment. Although the idea is a good one, I can’t tell you how many times I went to look at my watch and instead saw my beautiful wrist corsage. It was half past a daisy and quarter till a rose all day. So, for the next wedding, which is in three months, as we are blessed for our second daughter to be married in the fall, I will be taking pictures all the live long day with absolutely no regrets!

DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING- Unless it’s crucial, don’t change any plans you have already made on the day before or the day of the big event. These schedules, locations, songs, etc. have been well thought out, and the wedding day is not the day to second-guess anything. Trust your decisions, don’t move the cake table or change the seating arrangements. Relax and know that you have done your best possible planning, now go and enjoy all of the details that will make the day so memorable!

GUESTS – Don’t be surprised when people cancel the day of the wedding or show up without a card or gift. We heard from a few brides that this had happened to them, but we were truly blown away by this one. Letting the host know that you are attending gives them the greenlight to pay for your appetizers, meal, drinks, dessert, and late night snack for the day (money that is not refunded if you decide not to show up). Imagine hosting a meal for 150 people – we’ve all been to the grocery store lately!!! The fact that some people enjoyed a full on celebration of the new bride and groom without even bringing a card Blows. My. Mind. In fact – I can’t write anything more on the topic without getting myself in trouble.

PREPARE A SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY- We had a tentative schedule for the wedding day that was immensely helpful. It included times, but we were not naïve enough to think that certain things would probably take longer than anticipated. We even included a schedule of sorts on the tables for our guests so that they knew what to expect and when to expect it during the hours of the reception. We left out the times of each activity on this schedule because we didn’t want people to be all, “Ooooohhhh- they were supposed to cut the cake seven minutes ago!”. Come on, you know these people! There are so many things to remember and the day flies by at warp speed, so having this schedule and sending it to the bridal party and parents of both the bride and the groom saved the day a few times.

CLEAN UP- Be prepared to tear down, pack up, and transport all of the decor that made your big event so fantastic. Know that you’ll be physically and emotionally exhausted at this point. Have a list of what can be tossed and what must be brought home. Bring containers for these items, and recruit family and friends to stay for a bit and help,if possible. This help is invaluable, and many hands truly make light the work in this situation.

DON’T PLAN ANYTHING FOR THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING- Trust me on this. You will be looking for the truck that hit you and drug you for a mile. You will be tired, emotional, and in shock – all in a good way. You will need water, a nap, and time to look through the pictures that people are sending you – praise God, because you don’t have any of your own. Take the time to mentally unpack all that happened… reflect. What a day it was! Be proud of your son or daughter! Celebrate, and be grateful for the new life they have with their beloved.

Revisiting “today”…

Back in January, I chose “today” as my word of the year. This particular word was selected because I knew that this year was bringing many changes in our family and I wanted to focus on each new day instead of the upcoming events and activities that were on the way. These family events were all good, 2 weddings and a child moving to be with her spouse as he began law school – but even good things can be stressful. The wedding planning is a lot of decision making and that, in itself, can be exhausting. I know myself, and with these kinds of changes looming, I knew I needed to be intentional about living in the present.

As one prepares for a big event like a wedding – even if it’s your daughter’s and not your own – it can be all consuming. Thoughts of time lines and food options, dress fabrics and napkin colors can sneak in and make daily living a bit more “hectic”. Planning is fun, but would be so much more fun if the rest of your life would be more accommodating – do I still need to work, exercise, grocery shop, do laundry, prepare for holidays and on and on and on – while SIMULTANEOUSLY planning the wedding?! Yep, you sure do. And that’s where it becomes draining. It’s essential to let yourself take a day “off” every now and then and think nothing about the upcoming event. Do something for yourself. Go out to eat, take a nap, read, visit a friend. Don’t let the fun of every day slip away.

I am in my last few weeks of school and currently 18 days away from my first daughter’s wedding – so I will be keeping this post short and sweet. I have found several quotes this year that have inspired me to be more mindful of living in the present and I thought I’d share them with you!

Enjoy the remaining days of the month of May!

  • Know your worth – then add tax
  • Give yourself grace
  • Don’t spend your year doing the same shit
  • Focus on what you can control
  • Good things are coming

Something old, something new…

At this point in my life, I am happily helping to plan two weddings. They are June 6th and October 4th 2025, fast approaching! To be quite honest, I am not doing much. The girls have fabulous ideas of how to make their BIG days special, unique and memorable. I am more of a sounding board – giving ideas and opinions that may or may not be used – which is fine with me! I am watching the planning and taking part in the details that will add joy and sentimentality into the day. As we get closer to each event, I have seen and realized a few differences since planning my own wedding WAY back in 1996 BP (before Pinterest). The internet and social media have also created quite a beast. Here are a few things I have noticed – the good, bad and the ugly.

*GOOD*

I love that the Bridesmaids dresses and all that is involved with them are more relaxed. No longer is it that the bride tells you exactly what dress you will get and requests that you get heels of a certain height dyed to match (do you REMEMBER how we dyed our heels ?!?!?!?). Now, it is much more freestyle. Often, the bride will select a color from a certain dress maker and ask all the Bridesmaids to choose the style that they are most comfortable in, that fits them most comfortably and showcases their body the best. It is also common that the dresses are the same style, but different colors, all blending beautifully. Heck – patterns are even a thing, now – how cool is it? FREEDOM!

Flower preservation! It’s the coolest thing, you guys! These brides are having amazing creations made from their bouquets… wall hangings, serving trays, coasters, jewelry and more! I would have done this in a heartbeat and am so excited for my girls to be able to keep such a special part of their wedding day and be able to enjoy it forever!

The Grand Exit… OK. So fun! The ideas are endless – but include special outfits, music, sparklers, bubbles, photos and more. Leaving to begin your new life together DESERVES a special moment and you can make it as grand or minimal as you’d like. Just one more memory of the day two became one. And a tad more fun then staying and helping to clean up and load the vans with all the hoopla!

Pinterest CAN be your friend. Everything in moderation, that’s the key. As a teacher, Pinterest can be my bestie or the cool girl that has it all. When considering weddings and every single decision that has to be made – social media can jump the fine line of friend or foe in a matter of 5 minutes of scrolling. Finding new and creative ideas is a plus, but determining how much is too much can be stressful… and it’s usually your budget that will make the final decision.

Wedding websites- I would have been all over this as a Bride to Be! You can create them to match your wedding colors and themes, give the background on how you and your future spouse met and what you hope the future will hold, introduce your bridal party, allow guests to RSVP on line (remember having to MAIL YOUR RSVP?!?!) take dance song requests for the reception and SO. MUCH. MORE. It’s an awesome way to communicate details and get everyone excited for the wedding day – color me green!

*THE BAD/UGLY*

Sh!t is expensive these days. Seriously. Even from 3 years ago – the cost increase has been incredible and it’s truly unfortunate how it effects every single aspect of the event. Put your budget following hats on – and get ready – it can be done!!!

Just because we are related… making a guest list is super tricky. Trying to remain at or below a specific number of attendees is actually painful. Should they have a plus one? Have you talked to this cousin in the last 2 years? Do you even have this person’s cell number – if not, how close are you really?! Many people will take offense if not invited – these are typically people that have not planned a wedding in the past. We are doing our absolute best to be respectful while filling the seats with people that are invested and supportive in the lives of the future Bride and Groom. It’s a hot button for sure.

In my mind, this is a plus, but many see the lack of traditional aspects at a reception as a negative. Fewer speeches, no bouquet or garter toss, etc. I love the fact that each event is so unique to each couple nowadays. If a tradition doesn’t hold special meaning to you – don’t include it. Fill your day with what will bring you joy – even if Grandma might be miffed (she’ll get over it). One of my least favorite sentences is “But we’ve always done it that way.” Just because things have been done a certain way in the past doesn’t mean you have to continue down that path – tweak it and make it your own – or eliminate it!

All in all, planning a wedding isn’t for the weak. I’m grateful that i’m just their biggest cheerleader and there for a hug when they hit the wall. Nothing is ever easy – but I know these weddings will be unforgettable and I am blessed to be a part of them, for better or for worse!