parenting

You don’t know what you don’t know

Let’s be honest. Nowadays, courtesy of social media, we all feel entitled to a bit too much information. And rightly so, we are given detail after detail of people’s lives, without asking for any of it – and I am guilty of this, too. And many of these people that we are watching are complete strangers. We have never met them, nor will we ever meet them. Bizarre, actually, that all of this information is at our fingertips, and literally watched for entertainment. What was eaten for breakfast, how the pantry is organized and maintained, where the school shopping was done (links included) and how long it took to put the patio furniture together (including high speed video showing the craziness that ensued when the missing screws were finally located!). No longer do we watch TV before bed. Instead, we scroll for an hour watching 3 minute clips until our eyes begin to blur – or at least this happens on occasion in our house. A strange phenomena that is now completely normal in 2023.

This never ending selection of information gives us a false sense of “knowledge”. We think we know. We feel like we know someone because we have seen these snippets of their lives. We think we know how they parent because we have seen pictures and videos (carefully created and chosen, mind you). We think we know what their house looks like because of the room reset video we watched (although the rest of the house looks like a bomb went off because all of the effort was spent in the room being recorded). We think we know about their cooking skills because we have seen the unique lunches they make for their children and post for all of us to admire. The fact is, we don’t know. We see only what they want us to see. We see the “highlight” reel. And if we are honest, that’s what we try to show others, too. It’s human nature. We take 17 pictures to get that perfect “candid” shot. It’s expected and accepted in 2023.

In all aspects, we don’t know what we don’t know. Until we meet others with different experiences, we assume that our reality is everyone’s reality. Until we hear about our neighbor’s divorce, we assume their marriage is as happy as their social media account claims it is. Until we find out about our co worker’s eating disorder, we assume her slender build is genetic and she can eat anything she wants to and not gain weight. Until we find out about our cousin’s anxiety, we assume he didn’t like family parties and had better things to do than to spend time with us. So much of what we think we know is actually assumed from bits and pieces of information that we have gathered. Part of this is due to us genuinely believing what is put out there for us to see. It is also easier to glance quickly at a person or situation and form an option, without taking the time to ask questions. But, as the saying goes, things are not always as they appear.

I’m not suggesting that we all throw our devices out the window and boycott all social media. I believe that having these accounts can help raise intentional, compassionate people that are able to communicate well and can discern fact from fiction. I am suggesting that we start to put more of a filter on what we are watching and posting. There is always a backstory to every post. It’s especially important to teach our children to be aware as they are watching and posting. We don’t have to watch everything just because it’s available and “everyone else” is watching. I am doing my best lately to minimize my own screen time as well. Although I’ll never turn down a good pantry clean out !

Thanks for reading-

It’s a 2fer! Valentine’s Day & Ash Wednesday!

I love a good celebration. I think it’s super fun to decorate, find coordinating napkins, bake related food treats, and more. But this year – 2 special days for our family fall on the same calendar date! Wednesday is February 14th, both Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday. A 2fer! I am personally thrilled that this day is being shared by two occasions that our family finds so valuable. If you think about it, these two special days have some very similar qualities – the importance of both love and sacrifice.

I know that Valentine’s Day has a bad reputation – often referred to as the “Hallmark Holiday”. There is history of this holiday of which many are unaware. St. Valentine lived in Rome, Italy in the 200’s. He was a Catholic Priest that secretly married Christians and otherwise helped others that were persecuted in other ways. He was arrested and imprisoned for doing these good deeds. He focused on love and helping those that needed assistance. In my mind, I think it’s important EVERY DAY of the year to focus on the good and open our eyes to the needs around us. Why not designate a special day each year to expressing our love and admiration to those who are important to us? Nope, I don’t believe it’s necessary to purchase a diamond or roses, or big boxes of rich, sweet chocolate – but who am I to turn such gifts down? Not a penny needs to be spent – words are free, written word is even better .  Write down your words of admiration, your thoughts of devotion, your gratefulness –  then it can be read over and over, and enjoyed forever. I have always loved the concept of Valentine’s Day and the Saint himself, I even went so far as to choose him as my Saint for my Confirmation! Every year in our house, we have a “Heart Hunt” for the kids – which I started when they were teenies. I place clues in the shape of hearts around the house and they search for the final clue that leads them to a small gift or gift for each of them. It continues to be a tradition that they enjoy each year. We also have tiny mailboxes that we put out in February each year. Many years ago they were decorated by each child and are used to collect notes from all of us. Notes that remind us why we are loved, admired and appreciated. When a new note is placed in the mailbox, the little flag is raised – creating quite a bit of excitement for the mailbox owner! We store the notes in the mailboxes and re-read them every year, laughing at the hand-writing, spelling and sentiments at times (“You are a good big brother and you always help me with my HARD homework” love his 3rd grade sister). We bought these mailboxes at Target in the dollar section years ago- and they carry them every year – it’s been another fun and relationship building traditions for our family.

Regarding Ash Wednesday, for Catholics, this day begins the Season of Lent for us. Lent is the 40 days leading up to Easter, when we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus. During this 40 day period of time, our family focuses on preparing our hearts, deepening our faith and showing our love. Sacrifice is a part of Lent – giving something up that may take up too much of your time, thus making more room in our schedule to read a devotional, pray or listen to your favorite worship music. Whatever makes you feel closer to God – do it during Lent… and don’t stop at Easter – keep it up! Sacrificing for others requires love. Love is also the focus of Valentine’s Day – BONUS!!! In the end, if you are religious or not, I hope Wednesday is a special reminder for you to appreciate those that are in your life, and who have shaped you into the person you are today. Much love to you, from me❤️

Lean in…

masterpiece

Not everyone will allow themselves to cry in public. I have definitely been known to openly shed a tear or two. I’m not talking about a big ugly cry, but tears on the cheeks, yes. Last week at my Bible study, I cried. It wasn’t something I had planned on doing, and to be honest, it even surprised me a bit. Now that I hopefully have your attention, I’ll explain.

I’m currently in a new season of life. These birdies that I have been raising are trying out their wings and I am nervously biting my nails as I watch them teeter on the edge of the nest. With one a college freshman and one a high school senior, the milestones come daily and it’s all a bit overwhelming. For the most part, I am able to focus on the positive and enjoy this season of new found independence – I’m doing OK (until I’m not).

accept

This particular day at Bible study, I was commenting on a scripture passage that we had recently looked up. It was Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s masterpiece – created in Christ Jesus, to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” While reading this scripture out loud, the words caught in my throat and I had to pause and pull myself together. You see, I have always wanted to be a Mom. Knowing very little what it would actually involve, the idea of raising littles was a tad magical to me.  I felt that God was in agreement, since He blessed us with 4 stinky butt babes. But now, as my children have grown, I tend to wonder a little bit more about these “good works” that are meant for me. They aren’t so obvious anymore. I’m still busy, yes. Feeling productive, yes. But I am lacking that sense of being needed, feeling necessary – and frankly,  this feeling is not the greatest. What else does God have planned for me? To be clear, my concern is less whether or not He does have plans for me, but will I love these new plans as much as  I loved being a Mama to littles?!

acceptance

I read before, that in order to deal with our pain and uncertainties, we need to lean in. What does leaning in look like? For me, it looks like sorting through boxes of outgrown clothing and pouring over scrapbooks containing pictures of years gone by. It’s sitting attentively as your senior debates between colleges , when all you really want to do is pull her onto your lap and read her a Golden book. It’s repainting bedroom walls from bubble gum pink to sophisticated grey. It’s talking with other parents about how to let go, while holding tight at the same time. And it’s tears – sometimes expected, but often an embarrassing surprise. It’s a big messy box of acceptance wrapped with a sloppy bow of denial on top. Even though we experienced these emotions just last year, we are still novices at this whole “watching your child grow up” gig. 

I don’t think anyone should ever have to explain themselves when they are leaning in. It takes a lot of extra effort and is very important. It looks differently for everyone, but is crucial for all of us. Don’t think you can skip over tough things and hope it won’t catch up with you. It will. I’ve tried to ignore things, it doesn’t end well. 

So what about you? Are you avoiding a tough situation right now? Or are you leaning in? Please know that I’m here – online if nothing else – if you’d also like to lean on me!