It’s happening…

Whelp. It’s not often that I am at a loss for words. Ask my husband, he’ll tell you 🙂 But here I am at the first few lines of the newest chapter in our family book, and I’m at a loss.

On Sunday, our youngest child turned 20. No more teenagers, all four of our children are now adults and learning how to independently find their way in the wild, so to speak. In addition to that milestone, our oldest daughter (one of the two that was recently married) came and took the rest of her belongings to her new home that she now shares with her husband. What the WHAT?!?! Did both of those big things truly have to happen on the same day? Her room is so empty. I may have sat in the middle of it and cried – and by “may have”, I mean I definitely did. Too many emotions. Too much quiet. Too much open space. The emotions running amuck I am used to – but the quiet and clean and empty – no. There are now 3 rooms that sit unoccupied at the moment – although the dog and cat have each claimed a space as their own. The beds remain in hopes of an overnight visit – but the rooms remain unused.

It’s pretty easy to spiral and sit with the photo album and reminisce about the smell of a baby fresh out of the tub, the yells on the sideline of a 3rd grader’s soccer game, or the anticipation on Christmas morning while all four waited (not so patiently) as my Hubby and I filled our coffee mugs before digging into the gifts. Happy memories – so why the water works? Would I really want to relive all of those years – they weren’t all pretty or fun. A lot of it was tiring, frustrating and repetitive. I think the sadness comes when I realize that the chapter of raising young ones is over. Done. And yes, that’s sad. I will never have young children again . BUT – I am absolutely loving the adults that we have raised. And it’s perfectly OK to have sadness, hope, grief and joy in your heart all at once. I rarely experience only one emotion at a time, and I’m pretty sure that is normal. As the children have grown, I have written quite a bit about the many highs and lows we as parents experience. Every new experience from entering Kindergarten to leaving for college forces us to accept that our children are going to someday live on their own and call us less frequently. Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong – my Prince and I are truly finding a lot of joy in our new schedule. We stay up late and try to sleep in. We go out to eat more often – happy hour King and Queen to be certain! We take more trips and don’t have to think about childcare while we are away… but we still have the cat and dog, sooooooooooo… And we are busy thinking about how to use the rooms that are currently available – a new office, perhaps, or should we just let the cat have her own room?! We bought a new Christmas tree, because our adult children had the audacity to move out and take the ornaments that we had purchased for them for just such an occasion. Our 12 foot tree would look pretty bare without all of those bulbs and such, so we downsized a bit (only 11 feet this time!) and are excited to have a new focal point this Christmas. All in all, we are taking it all in stride. Figuring it out one holiday at a time.

Our nest may be “empty”, but that simply means we have space for visitors and a less busy schedule to help or socialize if asked. I have been reminded that as a parent, watching our children leave the house and become independent, happy adults is what we are working towards their entire lives. I just wonder why it’s so hard to watch happen if this has always been the end goal? I am content with our new chapter. Still lots to learn and I am sure sadness will sneak in here and there, but I’m ready for it.

I guess I wasn’t at a loss for words after all! I’m sure that no one is surprised!

Movin’ on up…

Change is necessary and inevitable. Whether change is viewed as exciting or nerve wracking, chances are, it’s right around the corner. One of the most common forms of change is moving – from one house to another, from an apartment to a house, or from a house to a care facility of some sort. This summer was the summer for changing locations. Two of our four children moved and several other family members changed addresses as well. We helped physically move 3 times and were happy to be there to assist as much as our aging bodies allowed. Though the heat was not preferable, we never had rain on a moving day, and we ran with that victory (or more like barely jogged – it was HOT, remember?).

I was blessed to stay in one house until almost graduating from college. I made memories with my family, neighbors, local businesses owners, our mail lady, and our librarian. It was extremely emotional to learn that my parents were moving. My immediate reaction was tears and grief. It took a bit for me to find the excitement and positivity in this change. These feelings were honest and legitimate after spending over 20 years in one home. Saying goodbye was difficult. My Mom was thoughtful enough to video tape a tour of the house before she began packing and moving furniture. My sister and I were gifted this vhs tape at our first Christmas after the move. So many emotions were felt as we watched my mom walk through our “old” house as she spoke of the many memories created in each room. She understood our deep love for this structure that protected us from the elements as we grew from infancy to adulthood. I am happy to say that the new house that my parents moved into has also provided a warm and happy environment and a is a place that my heart has grown to love, too.

In addition to emotional strain, moving is a huge mental strain as well. Sorting through belongings is a daunting task. Knowing that not everything should be brought along, the decisions must then be made to keep, donate or throw away. Some people have more of a struggle when it’s time to discard things, whether it’s clothing, decor or household items. Others attach emotional feelings depending on when the clothing was worn ( a child’s graduation), how the item was received (a wedding gift!) or who gave the framed picture over the fireplace (Grandma, who is no longer with us). The actual act of taking certain items to the donation place is also something that takes time. Take it from someone that has driven around for months with donations to Goodwill in her trunk – please tell me I’m not alone! Deciding what belongings must go is sometimes the easiest part.

Once in the new environment, another round of organizing and sorting begins. Which room should each item be placed? Where should the pictures be hung? How should the dishes and glasses be stored in the kitchen? What about all of the clothing that was moved? Is there enough storage or does a dresser need to be purchased and (ugh) put together in order to create enough space for everything? What about furniture placement, is there even room for all of your furniture from the old house? All of this on top of the fatigue from actually moving an entire house worth of things can be exhausting. And tempers can flare, or tears can flow, or both. The job does not end as soon as all of the things are moved – it’s actually just beginning.

My husband and I both found that after we helped several people move, we were itching to organize and downsize our own things. I came home and immediately cleaned out a few closets and cabinets. He went as far as looking for a new Ranch style home for us – I told him to slow his roll. No way do I want to have to move all of our belongings anytime soon – Lord, have MERCY. Somehow, we both caught the bug and felt like the winds of change were blowing. With our own children launching from the nest at such a rapid rate, we are enjoying the thought of changing some empty rooms around.in our own home. We are considering changing one room into an office and perhaps making one a guest room – it’s fun to even think about the changes. I guess all change isn’t so bad 🙂 All in all, moving like everything else in life can be a hassle or a great opportunity. It’s all about perspective. Looking for the positive – sometimes it’s harder to see the silver lining – keep looking!

Change…

“Change is the only constant in life” – Heraclitus

I’ll be the first to admit that change has never been my favorite. I love consistency, the familiar. I love to know what is coming so that I can be prepared. I love to know that I’ve handled something successfully before and can (hopefully) do it yet again. But in my almost 29 years of being a wife and over 26 years of parenting, I have found that change is one of the most common parts of life. If our family manages to do something twice in a row without any differences in the experience – call the presses! I have learned to be flexible in my approach and it has definitely benefited all of us. That being said, our family has a lot of changes coming in the next year. Am I ready? Can one ever really be “ready”?!

We have two daughters that will be getting married in 2025 -one in June and one in October. We are having fun planning two very different events and it’s been exciting to say the least. But as we schedule the Bridal Shower and pick out centerpieces for the big day, reality settles in. These two daughters will not be coming “home” for Christmas next year. Yes, they will visit for hours at a time, but they won’t be living at home anymore. This Christmas, for several reasons, was the “last” as we know it, since next year only one of our four children will actually wake up at our house next year on Christmas morning. Santa will only have one stocking to fill, as new spouses will now have that responsibility. We will have to find a new time to open presents together, since the time we have always done this in the past no longer works. We will have to consult the schedules of two more families in addition to the 9 schedules we are currently working around to fit everything in. We will no longer have the entire family at every event. Things are changing and we will need to be open to it. “But, we’ve always done it that way!” must not be uttered. The first few holidays will be a learning experience for sure.

Although it does make me a bit anxious, I am also excited to see the new traditions we will undoubtedly create. They will not be REQUIRED to happen on December 24th or 25th. They can change time and location from year to year. We can have a full meal, or just drinks and desserts. We can exchange with everyone or draw names. We can wear our fanciest holiday clothes or our pajamas. The main idea is that these changes are discussed and agreed upon by the majority. Everyone has an opinion and expectations and it’s necessary to feel heard and understood. No, not everyone will get their way. No, not everyone will be happy with the date chosen or restaurant we are meeting at, or time the event will begin. But we all must understand that the holidays are for being TOGETHER and that means flexibility and possibly having pasta instead of tacos and buying a White Elephant gift instead of exchanging gift cards. Hugging your Mom and drinking a Cranberry Margarita while reminiscing about the time the cats knocked the tree down – now THAT’S CHRISTMAS. I pray that as each holiday arrives we are together, healthy and happy – that’s my wish for my family and yours – even with all of the changes!

Traditions…

The month of November has always been a favorite of mine. Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday and as an adult, the month became even more amazing as we welcomed two of our four babies home, one on the 6th and one on the 16th! My love language is words of affirmation, so gratitude has always been on the top of my list of importance. My Mom set the precedent by making sure we wrote thank you notes for any and all gifts we received as children. I have done the same with my own children and have been so saddened to see that writing thank you notes (for many – not all) is becoming a lost art. Showing gratitude is so very important to me, as I understand with my whole heart the value in being thanked for an item, your time, or your involvement in a situation. I have yet to meet a person that would not appreciate being acknowledged, seen and known for what they have done. Not to say that being thanked should be the reason for doing a good deed, but it surely can bring a smile. November is a monthly reminder for me to send a quick text, or card to mention my thankfulness.

Traditions are big in our house. They help to keep our family close, create memories, and build excitement for each holiday. Knowing what to expect brings security and if it’s a fun thing we are expecting, well, you know, even better! Each Thanksgiving, our extended family meets at my sister’s for breakfast. We all arrive around 9:30 AM, pour some coffee and begin our holiday together. When the kids were little, the tv would be on and we’d watch the parade and scream with delight when they saw the Clifford balloon, or Hello Kitty made an appearance . My Mom started the tradition when they were babies of getting each of them a book on Thanksgiving. As they grew, they were even able to request a certain title and were always thrilled to receive it that morning – several years those chapter books were started before we even left Aunt Tonya’s house! The picture books they received as tiny turkeys were all kept together and brought out every year and read during the months of November . Most of the books were written about the topics of the season of Fall, the idea of thankfulness or the holiday of Thanksgiving. I now read many of those books to my preschool class each November and they are still big hits! I look forward to continuing this tradition once my children have children of their own.

After breakfast, we typically head home to digest and take a nap or watch our first holiday movie of the season. Later in the day, we would head to my In laws for more food and family time. At this point, we are now gathering at my Sister in Laws and it’s different but just as wonderful. That’s an important thing to remember about traditions, quite often they don’t last forever. Sometimes it’s simply impossible to continue them (a restaurant closes or part of the family moves 3 states away). Often, the interests of the group change as they age and it is just not fun or eagerly anticipated any longer. Perhaps an event is too expensive to attend at this point. There are many reasons why plans could change after being set for years and years. And that’s OK. One of the worst parts of having a tradition is not realizing that it’s time for it to end. The coolest part – you can find something new to do together instead!

The day after Thanksgiving is also a special time for our family. This basically marks the start of the Christmas season for us. When the children were younger, they would go to my Mom’s house that Friday and help her decorate, bringing up the boxes from the basement, setting up her nativity scene and making a batch of cookies. My current college age children continue to stop by and make sure that she doesn’t need help on this day. After decorating/shopping/visiting friends all day, we head to our local zoo for their annual amazing lights display. Being November, we never know what the weather will bring. We have walked through the zoo enjoying 60 degree conditions and raced through in the rain. The years that it has snowed during our visits always made us extra happy! We then finish the night with a delicious dinner at Spaghetti Wharehouse.

As the children have aged and now have significant others who also have family traditions, it has become increasingly difficult to keep a few of our traditions going – and again, it’s OK. If we want something to continue, we will find a way by changing the time, day or location. But discussions are already happening that have suggested new ideas for us to consider. In the end, I am blessed to have family that understand the importance of time together and the joy it brings my heart.

Blessings to you and your family as you acknowledge the joy and love in your life today and everyday!

Life lessons I’ve learned from my hair…

I’m pretty sure that most would agree with me on this point – our hair usually doesn’t do what we want it to do. I️ was born with some THICK hair. My mom kept it short when I️ was little, because she just didn’t know what to do with it. I️ don’t blame her now, but I️ sure wanted it long when I️ was little – so much that I️ would put pantyhose on my head and swing it around like it was long hair – if you have never done this, try it, such a good time! But, when I️ did let my hair grow out, the tedious chore of brushing through that mop got old REALLY quick. I️ envied those with braids and buns and piggy tails. Although I️ soon found out that sitting still while my mom coated her hands with “dipity doo” and tried to work some magic was a tad bit like torture for me. Later, in 6th grade, everyone was feathering their hair. Hard as I️ tried, my hair would have nothing to do with it, resulting in a daily battle in front of the mirror.

In addition to being thick, my hair has a ton of volume. For years it was more of a “wave”. Just enough to NOT be straight. Just enough to make me mad. I️ found that using a flat iron worked well to control the beast – so I️ used one daily for years. While on a Spring Break trip with our family, after going into the ocean and letting the wind dry my hair – my children were taken aback. ‘‘You have curly hair?” It was a bit like I️ had just introduced them to a long lost sibling. What a secret to hide from your children! From that point on, no more flat iron… I️ was determined to let my hair be “natural”. At this point in time, to me, my hair looked like I️ had an old perm. Many declared it looked like I️ had created beach waves with a curling wand. Beach waves?! I felt more like I️ had been caught in the Big Kahuna and dragged in the sand a few miles. Yes, the grass is always greener – but I have learned a few lessons through the years from my crazy hair that I’d like to share with you 🙂

* Less is more ~ With all of the new tools and products out there, it’s easy to get sucked in. Less frizz? Amen! Bouncy waves? I’ll take two! Relaxed curls with no stiffness? SOLD. Yet, I have found, that once you find something that works, stop. Don’t keep looking. Use what you have and let that be enough. You know, don’t re -invent the wheel and all that. What you have is enough. Being content is difficult but awesome!

* Try new things ~ Sometimes, we need a little something different in our lives. The same ‘ole, same ‘ole just isn’t cutting it anymore. Don’t go all drastic and quit your job or shave your head, or tell your neighbors what you REALLY think (now THAT’S just crazy talk!) Change just a simple thing – and see what happens. Part your hair on a different side, add a braid, air dry if you normally blow dry. Small changes can do wonders for pulling you out of a funk!
* Celebrate small victories ~ This is a favorite of mine. On special occasions and days that I’d truly love to look good, my hair turns out like a used mop. But, on any random Tuesday , when I had already vowed to stay home all day and do laundry, it’s as cute as can be. What to do? Don’t EVER waste cute hair! Go to the grocery store, go to the bank… BE SEEN – I mean, we really never know when this is going to happen again!

* Ask for help ~ As with most things in life, if I see something that impresses me, I ask about it! If I see someone that has amazing hair, a beautiful headband, or a style I admire – I inquire about it! What’s the worst that can happen?! Stick your neck out – being curious and asking questions is a good thing!

* Focus on the good ~ We all know that no matter how hard we try, there is usually something that isn’t “quite” right… the left side is curlier than the right side, the front dried funky, our barrette won’t stop sliding out – whatever! Focus on what is good! If the volume is there, but the style isn’t, grab a headband that matches your outfit and move on. If your hair is especially shiny, but won’t cooperate, slick it back into a pony and hit the road. Work with what you have 🙂

* This, too, shall pass ~ I’m pretty sure we have all had one of “those” hair cuts. You know the one… the “ I can’t believe I sat in that chair and LET THIS HAPPEN!” one. The cut that had us threatening to not leave the house for weeks. But guess what? We lived to tell! It grew! It probably took much longer than we’d like, but it did grow out! And we learned a lesson about a hair length that we Never. Want. Again.

In the end, just like life, we have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst with our hair.

Wishing all of you a good hair day – EVERYDAY!

Recalculating…

nsew Recalculating. This is a word that is very real in my life. Commonplace, used daily. Most people think of it in terms of directions and being corrected by your Garmin. I am direction-ally challenged and have no qualms at all discussing it. If you need me to get from point A to point B, please don’t use silly words like “East” or “South West”. Shake my head. Just give me a solid “Turn left at the McDonald’s and if you pass the big tree on the left, you missed it.” I feel completely at ease when I am driving to a new destination and have my Garmin along for assistance and support. When it announces “Recalculating…”, I hear “Don’t worry, all is not lost, you will still get there – we have options!” It gives me great hope that God gives me the same guidance in my daily life.

Quite often, my own personal plans must be rearranged in order to accommodate a new errand, unexpected sickness or someone else’s “emergency”. I could let it bend me all out of shape, or attempt to keep my grumpiness under control. As most of us would agree, it’s difficult to keep smiling when a wrench has been thrown into our schedule. Recalculating my day in order to feel accomplished works sometimes, but when unscheduled chaos sneaks in, it’s best to simply shoot for survival and hope that the next day doesn’t come unglued as well.

On other occasions, I change my course willingly. I look around and acknowledge that my current path just isn’t what I thought it would be. I consider my options, pray for discernment, write a pro/con list, talk to my hubby, sleep on it, chat with my friends, read blogs on the topic, and THEN, once I have put the decision off long enough, change directions. I switch gears. Try a new path. This type of recalculating feels less difficult because I am controlling it. * The irony is not lost on me here. I am fully aware that I’ve included 27 other people into “my” decision making process. It’s all good – as long as I am the one to pull the trigger, it’s legit. * Being the one to call the shots helps me to breathe a little easier. I also know where to look if I’m still not content… in the mirror.

Sometimes our circumstances change without any warning at all. A loved one falls ill, we lose our jobs, or our long term plans suddenly fall apart, due to no fault of our own. Then what?! We must adjust our thought process, find new resources and plot a new course. This creates awful feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. Thankfully, we are never alone in our fear or confusion. God is forever available with a new direction to suggest, a shoulder to lean upon, and hope for the future. We are reminded of our strength (through Him) as life has brought us to our knees. God also provides angels on Earth to lead us, or better yet, accompany us along our new paths. He opens our eyes to options that we might not have considered and opportunities that may be the perfect fit. He is forever present and eternally aware. With His help we can survive – even thrive – during each and every season of life that we encounter.

Recalculating doesn’t have to be a negative word. Sometimes, we don’t see the danger that is right in front of us – or we convince ourselves that we can get through it unscathed. Others really may know best on some occasions. Being flexible and willing to try ideas and avenues that were not our original choice could possibly benefit us more than we could ever imagine. Remember, we all have options, there are several courses available to each of us. So long as getting to my new destination doesn’t involve heading “Due North”, I’m all in!

word love

Be a voice ~ not an echo

flexibility