change

The more things change…

2025 packed quite a punch, both good and bad, and our heads are still spinning a bit. A death in the family, a divorce, 2 weddings, 2 moves, a job change and empty nest. Our immediate and extended family was kept on its’ toes for 12 months straight and we hope to catch our breath in the new year. As the holidays approached this year, I was unsure what to expect, but I knew I wanted it to be special. Whether we were continuing with traditions of old or starting new ones, I prayed that the memory making would continue- and it did!

This year, the changes began in November, when for the first time we did not have all 4 children around the table. As sad as I was about it, my heart was at peace knowing that my daughter was not alone, but instead being loved up by her new family and getting to show off her new digs in Georgia to her in laws. We instead kept track of each other, as we have since her move in August by texts, calls, letters and facetimes. Our encouragement took on different forms but was always there and she knew it. The tears flowed at times, but the excitement grew as well, knowing she would be home in December!

December arrived and we did most of what we have always done – we attended tree lightings, Christkindl markets, the lights at the zoo and this year I also was blessed to attend an Advent Tea at my school. We changed the dates of several events, but they were still special and helped to bring the Fa La La to a month that attempts to race right past us. Our annual Extended family party that has historically been held the week before Christmas (to insure that all of my college kids were home to celebrate) was changed to December 27th so that our Georgia peaches could be in town to enjoy the family as well. This once again proved that it is not the date on the calendar but the people surrounding you that brings the magic.

As different as this season has been- the nostalgia still remained strong. The same chocolate treats were made and devoured on our dessert trays, the same Christmas cactus was praised as she miraculously bloomed for the holiday as if she had a calendar hidden somewhere, and the same songs made me cry on Christmas Eve. I still dreaded the clean up after it was all over, and still want to keep my tree up until February so I can enjoy her soft light in an otherwise dark room. I’m so very grateful for a season of change that was also filled with the joy of old times. I pray that 2026 brings the same type of balance.

It’s happening…

Whelp. It’s not often that I am at a loss for words. Ask my husband, he’ll tell you 🙂 But here I am at the first few lines of the newest chapter in our family book, and I’m at a loss.

On Sunday, our youngest child turned 20. No more teenagers, all four of our children are now adults and learning how to independently find their way in the wild, so to speak. In addition to that milestone, our oldest daughter (one of the two that was recently married) came and took the rest of her belongings to her new home that she now shares with her husband. What the WHAT?!?! Did both of those big things truly have to happen on the same day? Her room is so empty. I may have sat in the middle of it and cried – and by “may have”, I mean I definitely did. Too many emotions. Too much quiet. Too much open space. The emotions running amuck I am used to – but the quiet and clean and empty – no. There are now 3 rooms that sit unoccupied at the moment – although the dog and cat have each claimed a space as their own. The beds remain in hopes of an overnight visit – but the rooms remain unused.

It’s pretty easy to spiral and sit with the photo album and reminisce about the smell of a baby fresh out of the tub, the yells on the sideline of a 3rd grader’s soccer game, or the anticipation on Christmas morning while all four waited (not so patiently) as my Hubby and I filled our coffee mugs before digging into the gifts. Happy memories – so why the water works? Would I really want to relive all of those years – they weren’t all pretty or fun. A lot of it was tiring, frustrating and repetitive. I think the sadness comes when I realize that the chapter of raising young ones is over. Done. And yes, that’s sad. I will never have young children again . BUT – I am absolutely loving the adults that we have raised. And it’s perfectly OK to have sadness, hope, grief and joy in your heart all at once. I rarely experience only one emotion at a time, and I’m pretty sure that is normal. As the children have grown, I have written quite a bit about the many highs and lows we as parents experience. Every new experience from entering Kindergarten to leaving for college forces us to accept that our children are going to someday live on their own and call us less frequently. Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong – my Prince and I are truly finding a lot of joy in our new schedule. We stay up late and try to sleep in. We go out to eat more often – happy hour King and Queen to be certain! We take more trips and don’t have to think about childcare while we are away… but we still have the cat and dog, sooooooooooo… And we are busy thinking about how to use the rooms that are currently available – a new office, perhaps, or should we just let the cat have her own room?! We bought a new Christmas tree, because our adult children had the audacity to move out and take the ornaments that we had purchased for them for just such an occasion. Our 12 foot tree would look pretty bare without all of those bulbs and such, so we downsized a bit (only 11 feet this time!) and are excited to have a new focal point this Christmas. All in all, we are taking it all in stride. Figuring it out one holiday at a time.

Our nest may be “empty”, but that simply means we have space for visitors and a less busy schedule to help or socialize if asked. I have been reminded that as a parent, watching our children leave the house and become independent, happy adults is what we are working towards their entire lives. I just wonder why it’s so hard to watch happen if this has always been the end goal? I am content with our new chapter. Still lots to learn and I am sure sadness will sneak in here and there, but I’m ready for it.

I guess I wasn’t at a loss for words after all! I’m sure that no one is surprised!

Change…

“Change is the only constant in life” – Heraclitus

I’ll be the first to admit that change has never been my favorite. I love consistency, the familiar. I love to know what is coming so that I can be prepared. I love to know that I’ve handled something successfully before and can (hopefully) do it yet again. But in my almost 29 years of being a wife and over 26 years of parenting, I have found that change is one of the most common parts of life. If our family manages to do something twice in a row without any differences in the experience – call the presses! I have learned to be flexible in my approach and it has definitely benefited all of us. That being said, our family has a lot of changes coming in the next year. Am I ready? Can one ever really be “ready”?!

We have two daughters that will be getting married in 2025 -one in June and one in October. We are having fun planning two very different events and it’s been exciting to say the least. But as we schedule the Bridal Shower and pick out centerpieces for the big day, reality settles in. These two daughters will not be coming “home” for Christmas next year. Yes, they will visit for hours at a time, but they won’t be living at home anymore. This Christmas, for several reasons, was the “last” as we know it, since next year only one of our four children will actually wake up at our house next year on Christmas morning. Santa will only have one stocking to fill, as new spouses will now have that responsibility. We will have to find a new time to open presents together, since the time we have always done this in the past no longer works. We will have to consult the schedules of two more families in addition to the 9 schedules we are currently working around to fit everything in. We will no longer have the entire family at every event. Things are changing and we will need to be open to it. “But, we’ve always done it that way!” must not be uttered. The first few holidays will be a learning experience for sure.

Although it does make me a bit anxious, I am also excited to see the new traditions we will undoubtedly create. They will not be REQUIRED to happen on December 24th or 25th. They can change time and location from year to year. We can have a full meal, or just drinks and desserts. We can exchange with everyone or draw names. We can wear our fanciest holiday clothes or our pajamas. The main idea is that these changes are discussed and agreed upon by the majority. Everyone has an opinion and expectations and it’s necessary to feel heard and understood. No, not everyone will get their way. No, not everyone will be happy with the date chosen or restaurant we are meeting at, or time the event will begin. But we all must understand that the holidays are for being TOGETHER and that means flexibility and possibly having pasta instead of tacos and buying a White Elephant gift instead of exchanging gift cards. Hugging your Mom and drinking a Cranberry Margarita while reminiscing about the time the cats knocked the tree down – now THAT’S CHRISTMAS. I pray that as each holiday arrives we are together, healthy and happy – that’s my wish for my family and yours – even with all of the changes!

Goodbye, September

Well, we made it. Years ago, I wrote a blog titled September is the new December. The idea still rings true and this month has yet again worn me OUT. September includes the chaos of ending summer with the whirlwind of beginning a new season of school and life in general. In our house, we were simultaneously washing the last load of towels from the lake while moving two daughters into their home away from homes at college. It included buying school supplies and filling in every calendar square with mandatory meeting dates for clubs and new organizations. It was a messy month filled with goodbyes and new beginnings and it was draining both physically and emotionally. But we did it! Tomorrow brings a new month (one of my FAVORITES) and I am here for it!

Changing the decor at home is one of my favorite things as well. I have three 50 gallon tubs specifically for the months of September, October and November. In September I slowly begin to bring out more muted tones and a bit of marigold, orange and brown. I have a few signs about Autumn and a few pumpkins, scarecrows, and squirrels scattered about the house. Cinnamon and apple scented candles are lit and things get a bit more cozy. Once October arrives, I bring more Halloween decor into the mix -black cats, jack-o-lanterns and cute ghosts join the pumpkins on the mantle. Candy is brought out on the island and pictures of all 4 of my children on their first Halloween sitting in or next to a pumpkin are displayed. In November we switch out the jack-o-lanterns for turkeys and Pilgrims and signs expressing the value of gratitude. The house feels different and more festive, and even though I don’t have children here anymore that notice and enjoy the changes – I love it so I will keep decorating as each new season arrives.

I have always loved living in an area that has four seasons. As each new season begins – I am ready and excited for all of the changes in weather and activities that it brings. I think that is perhaps one of the secrets to life. Be ready for the changes that are coming. Look forward to the differences that are inevitable in your schedule and focus on your favorite parts of each new month or time frame. The seasons prove to us over and over that nothings lasts forever and that taking each new day as it comes is the best strategy for peace. I hope that you enjoy your Autumn – no matter what that looks like for you. Cheers to falling leaves and hot coffee, a book and a blanket on a rainy day!

What do you want to do when you grow up?

Our youngest of four is in the final stretch of her Senior year in high school. She has a matter of weeks before this chapter of her life is over and is feeling all of the emotions. Her days are filled with school, friends, and tennis, and her evenings are occupied with finishing scholarship applications. She’s answering questions regarding how she has spent these last four years, what accomplishments she has achieved, and what her goals are for the future. These applications and required essays are forcing her to reflect . Honestly, I think it should be a requirement for all of us – every five years or so – just a quick check in with ourselves. This form that she must fill out makes her pause and really look at what fills her time. How much of her energy is spent helping others? What is she doing to move herself closer to her goals, and does she even have clear cut goals?

Once we finish school, we tend to fall into a routine and not change much. OK, occasionally we will try a new restaurant or change laundry detergents, but for the most part we do what we have always done. I don’t think we do it on purpose. I feel like most humans find a rhythm of life and don’t look to change things up. We have a schedule, and it works for us, so why fix what’s not broken? But are we living the life we could be living? Are there things we could add or eliminate that would serve us well, move us forward, or help us grow? Have we accomplished the things that we had considered in our days of youth when we didn’t need 8 hours of sleep and 2 cups of coffee to start our engines? It’s not too late! We can still evaluate our lives and make the changes that we have been contemplating. We can start a new hobby, change our exercise routine, commit to reading more books or meeting up with more friends. We can find an organization that needs volunteers, donate to help a community in need, or write letters to our government officials regarding changes we’d like to see made.

I am energized as I watch my daughter prepare for this new chapter ahead. When her new adventure begins – a new chapter will also begin for us. I am prepared for change and the loud sound of silence in a house that has always been filled with music, conversation and laughter. The schedule we keep will change, the way we cook will change, and I anticipate that next year may be a difficult year as we adapt . But I am ready and willing to make the best of these changes and allow room for the grief process as well as I miss all the birdies who have left our nest. I’m writing my own lists and thinking about what I’d like to do, to change, and to eliminate as this new season of life arrives. So now, as I start to reflect, here’s my question for you… What do YOU want to do when you grow up?