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Love your neighbor

differences

Watching my 2 youngest daughters struggle to share their bedroom is like watching a sociology experiment under my own roof. I’ve tried every angle to encourage their peaceful co-existence, but it usually ends with me suggesting in a LOUD voice “Just figure it out!” They are 10 and 13 year old little ladies , mind you. The hormone levels fluctuate like the daily temperatures of a Michigan springtime.

They get along famously when they choose to do so. But their quarreling is usually the loudest when my nerves are already shot.  The hardest part of all of it is giving these crazy girls logical solutions and watching them continue to spin out of control. It’s a bit like watching our nation right now. Can’t we all just get along?! I am sharing just a few suggestions that I’ve brought to the girls attention in the past. Perhaps it will help others since it has seemingly done nothing in our house. Loving your neighbor is a grand idea and it makes a ton of sense in regards to forming respectable boundaries, accepting each others’  differences and living with others who have completely different belief systems as our own.

                                *BE KIND  *SHARE  *RESPECT  *BE PATIENT  *BE FLEXIBLE

BEING KIND is important above all else. Whatever we are trying to achieve, chances are, if we approach the situation with a caring, encouraging attitude – it will help. At the very least, we can go into the different issues of our lives without a 300 pound chip on our shoulder.

As badly as my girls want their OWN space, it’s just not going to happen. So… Let’s think about how we can SHARE the space, down the middle with compassion and logic. Everyone gets the standard “2 drawers of the dresser” and move on. No more hogging the closet, America – clean it up, organize, and keep only what you need.

It’s silly that this needs to be said, but each of us are very different. You will never find anyone out there that follows the exact same thought process that you do. Living with each other is not easy. And by living, I mean sharing a neighborhood, grocery store, work space, etc… Show some RESPECT.  Acknowledging the simple fact that each of us have various opinions on a wide range of topics will help us all to live together much easier. Try to honor the fact that your neighbor may not care as much about their lawn, or that your sister is an absolute neat freak. Respecting doesn’t have to mean that you agree with the other person, but it does mean that you will not intentionally harass, tease, belittle or antagonize them about the way that they differ from you.

PATIENCE is a virtue, from what I’ve heard. It is also a trait that most of us (if we’re being honest) could afford to practice a bit more. We are not patient with ourselves or with others. We want things done now… or yesterday. We expect immediate results. We sigh as we wait 5 minutes and 45 seconds for our dinner to heat up in the microwave. Our dieting efforts better be evident by the week end, or bring on the beer and nachos! I think amazing things would happen if we stop rushing them along so quickly. Good things take time. So do good grades, relationships, business progress and neighborhood development. Be diligent, but patient and you’ll see the results. Be positive in your thinking and encouraging with your support and others will follow your lead.

Or maybe they wont, and that’s where FLEXIBILITY becomes important. We all feel that it’s crucial for OTHERS to be flexible- but not such a stellar idea if WE are the ones that need to bend a bit. Give and take. If you’re married, you’re probably familiar with this concept. Help and you’ll receive help. Life provides us daily opportunities to adapt and if we fight it , we end up becoming the crabby pants that people choose to avoid. Flexibility isn’t easy, but it’s beneficial.

These ideas may seem elementary and too simple to actually be taken seriously. Sometimes, we think too much. Maybe we need to take away the big words and complicated scenarios. Share. Be kind. Let’s all try it and see if our friends, families and co workers appreciate our efforts.

All of my eggs…

eggs in one basket

I have the best conversations with my friends. And a lot of them happen when I am on the elliptical. This is good for several reasons. First, I can schedule these chats ahead of time, as in “Hey , I’ll be on the elliptical at 9, want to chat me up?” Second, and most importantly, it takes my mind off of the God awful activity that it is my goal to do 40 minutes a day, four times a week. Talking to a bestie helps me to shift my focus from *NOT DYING* to solving all of the world’s problems – as long as we can wrap it all up before my cool down.

ANYWHO- the other day I had one of those great conversations, this time about being the Mom of a teenager. This particular friend and I were sharing stories about being a bit lonely in our homemaker roles. We shared feelings about how we feel that our postion has been downsized, and we are not ready for it, nor happy about it. This Mothering gig is a confusing one, we spend over a decade on these babes teaching them to be self sufficient. Then, they want to go out into the real world and be independent. The nerve.

I know, I know, we are still necessary- vital, I would even say- for a smooth running household. A home that contains a well fed and clothed family still provides “chores” for it’s Mama, even if the children are over 10 years of age. But, it’s different. At least it feels different. There are days when I literally feel like the hired help- although I don’t ever collect a paycheck. There are days when the only time I hear “Mom” said with any urgency is when “Have you seen my red shirt?!” or “Can you give me a ride?” is the question. It’s almost as if  the work that I do is important, but not me. Not every day, but sometimes. Sounds pretty pathetic when it’s written down, but it’s the truth – and I’m guessing that I am not alone in this thought process.

Back in the day, I was their world. I decided their menu, their schedule and picked their outfits – and most of their friends, for that matter! They played and wanted me to join them. They cried and wanted me to comfort them. They had a great experience and needed to tell me all about it – admittedly, I am still needed for this {THANK GOD!}. I was more than a chef/driver/laundry doer. I was a companion. I wasn’t AN option, I was the ONLY option. I guess that is what I miss the most. The little hands reaching for my cheeks as I read to them. The little feet following me everywhere… except to the bathroom. That was gross and awkward.

I was warned by many to not “put all of my eggs into one basket”. In other words, I couldn’t expect for my husband and family to be the only things in my life to bring me joy. I completely understand this logic, but I also know that for 20 years now, being a Wifey has made me very happy. And the 17+ years of parenting has also left me quite fulfilled (and exasperated, exhausted and utterly dazed at times). I refuse to take those eggs out of my basket. I have, instead, started adding more eggs… writing more, speaking engagements, teaching religious education, a weekly Bible study, TAKING NAPS. I have more time now that my children can bathe, dress and feed themselves. Time that was once allocated to their care and safety can now be spent reading a book (that has nothing to do with parenting!).

I know that God has things planned in a certain order, as in written in Ecclesiastes  3:1 “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens”. It was necessary for me to first be the nose-wiping, meal-making, booboo-kissing Mom in order  for them to trust the homework-helping, friendship-fixing, college-selecting Mom that I am today. There is joy and pain in every season, but God is also in each season, which means I can handle it and even {maybe} thrive in it. I pray the very same for you, as well. So – if you still wish to chat about it, I’ll be on the elliptical tomorrow at 8 AM – give me a call!