home

It’s happening…

Whelp. It’s not often that I am at a loss for words. Ask my husband, he’ll tell you 🙂 But here I am at the first few lines of the newest chapter in our family book, and I’m at a loss.

On Sunday, our youngest child turned 20. No more teenagers, all four of our children are now adults and learning how to independently find their way in the wild, so to speak. In addition to that milestone, our oldest daughter (one of the two that was recently married) came and took the rest of her belongings to her new home that she now shares with her husband. What the WHAT?!?! Did both of those big things truly have to happen on the same day? Her room is so empty. I may have sat in the middle of it and cried – and by “may have”, I mean I definitely did. Too many emotions. Too much quiet. Too much open space. The emotions running amuck I am used to – but the quiet and clean and empty – no. There are now 3 rooms that sit unoccupied at the moment – although the dog and cat have each claimed a space as their own. The beds remain in hopes of an overnight visit – but the rooms remain unused.

It’s pretty easy to spiral and sit with the photo album and reminisce about the smell of a baby fresh out of the tub, the yells on the sideline of a 3rd grader’s soccer game, or the anticipation on Christmas morning while all four waited (not so patiently) as my Hubby and I filled our coffee mugs before digging into the gifts. Happy memories – so why the water works? Would I really want to relive all of those years – they weren’t all pretty or fun. A lot of it was tiring, frustrating and repetitive. I think the sadness comes when I realize that the chapter of raising young ones is over. Done. And yes, that’s sad. I will never have young children again . BUT – I am absolutely loving the adults that we have raised. And it’s perfectly OK to have sadness, hope, grief and joy in your heart all at once. I rarely experience only one emotion at a time, and I’m pretty sure that is normal. As the children have grown, I have written quite a bit about the many highs and lows we as parents experience. Every new experience from entering Kindergarten to leaving for college forces us to accept that our children are going to someday live on their own and call us less frequently. Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong – my Prince and I are truly finding a lot of joy in our new schedule. We stay up late and try to sleep in. We go out to eat more often – happy hour King and Queen to be certain! We take more trips and don’t have to think about childcare while we are away… but we still have the cat and dog, sooooooooooo… And we are busy thinking about how to use the rooms that are currently available – a new office, perhaps, or should we just let the cat have her own room?! We bought a new Christmas tree, because our adult children had the audacity to move out and take the ornaments that we had purchased for them for just such an occasion. Our 12 foot tree would look pretty bare without all of those bulbs and such, so we downsized a bit (only 11 feet this time!) and are excited to have a new focal point this Christmas. All in all, we are taking it all in stride. Figuring it out one holiday at a time.

Our nest may be “empty”, but that simply means we have space for visitors and a less busy schedule to help or socialize if asked. I have been reminded that as a parent, watching our children leave the house and become independent, happy adults is what we are working towards their entire lives. I just wonder why it’s so hard to watch happen if this has always been the end goal? I am content with our new chapter. Still lots to learn and I am sure sadness will sneak in here and there, but I’m ready for it.

I guess I wasn’t at a loss for words after all! I’m sure that no one is surprised!

Home is where your heart is…

As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a wife and a Mom. I’ve always loved the idea of creating a space that was welcoming to others. As a newlywed, I had so much fun setting up our home and establishing traditions with my new husband. Within a few years, our home began to fill with children – four children in almost exactly seven years. I had daily opportunities as a stay at home Mom to set the tone and schedule while creating an environment that helped to make my children feel loved and secure, and that my husband wanted to return to after work. Now, despite my best efforts, this didn’t always work out, and by evening I was counting down the minutes until bedtime and the chance to try again in the morning. Lost retainers, broken washing machines and sickness can easily throw a wrench into any thought of a calm and peaceful household. And that’s life, some of our best memories are from times in the past when things were a bit out of control. Home was still a place that we all felt comfortable and knew we could be ourselves.

We never really had a chore system in which each child had designated chores. I basically just voiced what needed attention and someone took care of it. Sometimes after me mentioning it 37 times, sometimes immediately. We were a typical family that found a rhythm of order among the clutter and chaos of life and knew what had to be done each day, even if we didn’t want to do it. The children grew and realized that our house was not cleaned by fairies in the middle of the night as they slept. They began to take ownership and responsibility for their environment and knew they wouldn’t be allowed to ask a friend over if their space looked like “a pit” as I used to say. They looked forward to inviting friend to sleep over and to having cook outs with family.

Time passed and these crazy kids each eventually headed away to college. Some stayed close and some went a bit farther, but regardless of their new location, they were no longer “home”. Their rooms were empty, no one sat at their chairs during dinner, and their absence was felt by all of us, including the pets. When our oldest left for college, I had the idea of creating a keepsake for him that would remind him of home and the fact that he could always return – and we’d be there with open arms. I found a company that made bracelets with any coordinates engraved in them. I added the coordinates of our home address as a reminder that he had a home full of people that loved him. Each child that left got a similar bracelet, and our youngest birdie just left the nest last week and received her bracelet on move in day.

Our home is much quieter these days. But I know we will continue filling it with love and laughter for many years to come. It’s difficult to keep a house running and presentable with a family of six (or a family of any size, for that matter). There were many days when I wanted to throw in the proverbial towel. But I am so glad that I focused on our family and the times that we shared together under one roof – the good times and the bad, because we needed both to create the bonds that now exist. I pray that our children will also make their home life a priority and cherish the time they spend in their future homes as well.

Do you have a favorite room in your home?

I absolutely love the house that we call home. We chose to build our house and moved in over 21 years ago – with only two children at the time. We have since added two more children, said hello and good bye to several well loved pets, changed vehicles, jobs and hairstyles. We have grown, celebrated, mourned and hoped in this home. Our neighbors have become friends, I have a walking route I use daily, a grocery store and favorite restaurant nearby and family is within a short drive. I have always loved decorating each room for each season and holiday, creating memories with our children along the way. Time spent together is treasure here, and I always breathe a sigh of relief when I walk in the door.

I recently saw an article on self care that spoke on the topic of having a special spot for ourselves. I thought about it for about thirty seconds and knew where mine was right away. It’s actually the first room on the left as you enter our home. As you arrive through the front door, you can see the first wall of this room – with the letters H O M E on the wall. Another sign reads “Best Family (in the history of ) Ever. It’s a “den” of sorts, that I have claimed as my spot. In it sits a comfy beige sofa in between 2 dark brown end tables. Each table holds a lamp and a plant 🙂 A wax melter sits on the table closest to the window, and it is always on heating the scents of the current season – today’s scent is cinnamon maple. There is a coffee table that has a lower shelf crammed with books, bibles, journals and more. On the top of the table sits a plump pumpkin that I bought over 25 years ago when I worked at Hallmark. On the wall there is a shelf from Ikea that holds dozens of scrapbooks and photo albums. Twenty eight years of pictures and memories on those shelves. On the opposite wall is a corner shelf that holds skeins of yarn and my knitting looms and supplies. The bottom shelf is where I stack the hats that I knit and donate. Under the window is a soft brown bench that holds – you guessed it – more books, plants and hats waiting to be donated. Daily, our cat Ron sits on this bench, snacks on the plant and watches the birdies that sit on the tree in our yard just a few feet away. There is a basket filled to the top with soft blankets and pillows, unless it is Christmas season. During that time, I place a miniature tree covered with white twinkly lights, causing me to love this space even more. The light pours into this room through the Northern windows, and I rarely have to turn on the lamps, but when I do, the room feels extra cozy and inviting. I sit on the end of the couch by the window and read, write or knit. On the couch next to me, Ruby buries her nose in her “softer than anything I’ve ever felt in my life” dog bed. When I’m on the couch, I can see both outside into the neighborhood, and inside the first story of our home and anyone going up or down the stairs. It truly is my favorite room in the house.

Do you have a room in your house that makes you extra happy? A room that you retreat to when you need to be productive, or just sit for a minute without interruption? I truly think we all deserve a spot like this, and I’m so grateful for mine. Let me know where you go in your home, and why it’s extra special to you!