As a Mom of four, I’ve known from the start that my job was to love, guide and prepare my tiny babes to someday be wildly capable of living their lives without me. Sounds a bit depressing, doesn’t it? As our youngest heads excitedly into her Senior year, I’m once again caught up in all the feels and reminiscing has become a daily pastime for me. Each year sprints by faster and I try my best to balance looking back with fondness and looking forward with anticipation. It amazes me how the days and years have so easily melted together, and here I am at 50, and wondering how in the world I am just a few more branches away from an empty nest.

We lived through Baby Bootcamp, the exhaustion of Elementary School, and the drama of Jr. and Sr. High, and it clearly didn’t dawn on me that this would all abruptly end one day. Even though it was obvious things would eventually change, our emotions have somehow convinced us that certain situations will last “forever”. When we are sleep deprived, we are positive that we will NEVER again feel rested, and after the 5th accident of the day, we know for a FACT that our son will be in a pull up on his wedding day. And yet, with each new day, we get a bit more rest and we begin to make it to the potty on time, and time marches on. We blink and our children have grown and their challenges have changed. We continue to pray, guide, and actively involve ourselves in their lives, but the relationship is not as it was. We are no longer as crucial, as necessary, as sought out – and that’s OK and how life works. Well, shame on you, life, for blind-siding us like this, even though we were active participants the entire time.

Our society encourages “letting go” as our children grow. I have always thought this to be complete malarkey. I am entirely too invested to “let go” at this point. Seriously? Let go? With all of the meal planning, house cleaning, nightmare soothing, faith training, bath giving, education advocating, relationship counseling and event coordinating I’ve done? Let go, my foot! I have poured my life into these crazy yahoos – you can’t get rid of me that easily! I prefer to instead loosen my grip. Watching from the sidelines instead of being a crucial part of the game. Still needed, but not as much – and again, this is what the end goal was – RIGHT?

See? All the feels. I feel blessed that I have others to confide in that are feeling equally expendable in their Mom careers. We fluctuate in reveling in the relief that our name is no longer called out 150 times a day, simultaneously wishing our children would reach out to us more. We look at our children with both pride and disbelief. When, exactly, Father Time, did this happen, and how did we carry on, oblivious to it all? I’m encouraged when I see other families maintain a strong bond as their children grow and create families of their own. I know it can be done, and done well – and that is my goal for the future.